Pineapple Story

The problem with pineapples

The past 12 hours have been very insightful and full of new knowledge about fresh pineapples. To save someone else the pain, I thought I would share my findings. 

I first shared it on social media and to my chagrin, my friends had a good laugh. =)

Pineapple Story

1. Fresh pineapple is full of something called bromelain.
2. Bromelain is the stuff in meat tenderizer.
3. Eating a lot (like a half of a pineapple over 3 or 4 hours because it was sitting on the plate and I sinned and ‘graze’ fed myself through the afternoon) may cause you some discomfort….
5. Because the bromelain is a meat tenderizer and your throat and tongue are ‘meat’.
6. So, you may start feeling tingly sensations in your mouth and throat.
7. So you may feel like at one point that you are going into anaphylactic shock.
8. Because your throat starts feeling VERY tingly
9. And you may feel like you can’t swallow, which could also be due to fear thinking “OH MY GOD I’M GONNA DIE ALONE IN THE HOUSE”
10. But, stay calm and use a straw to slowly sip some water
11. But also have your phone handy in case you need to call 9-1-1
12. But, also start walking towards the neighbors in case you need help.
13. But, breath deep and remain calm, because you can actually still breathe.
14. Then, you research and find out that allergies to pineapple are rare.
15. But the reaction to the raw Bromelain is common.
16. Because the canned pineapple has been heated, and heat kills the bromelain.
17. But raw pineapple is full of it.
18. And most people don’t decide to have a “Hawaiian” themed late breakfast/lunch and just eat only the pineapple that was left in the fridge during the 11 hour power outage the day /night before.
19. Thus eating about 2.5 cups of raw pineapple isn’t normal (but, who decides what NORMAL is?? The Normal Police??)
20. So, while you can breathe, and you’ve decided that you aren’t going to die, you still feel uncomfortable.
21. Because your throat and back of the tongue feels like you swallowed the skin of the said pineapple.
22. So, to coat your throat you eat 1 tsp of raw, soothing honey because anything else ‘stings’ (except water.)
23. Honey and water become your friend for the rest of the afternoon.
24. Don’t plan on eating a heavy dinner either. Stick to something soft. Like pancakes. (Pancake lesson – almond milk doesn’t make good pancakes. They are flat and sort of like crepes. Too bad I didn’t have them when eating the pineapples)
25. Eat some more honey before bed, because now you will have a tickle in your throat.
24. Then, before you put Google to bed for the night, you read one more thing about raw pineapple and bromelain.
25. They are very good to break up constipation. 💩
27. Yes, seriously. And the person who said someone is considered a ‘hoarder’ if they keep more than 6 rolls of toilet tissue around can just, in the words of the Famous Flo from Mel’s Diner…”Kiss My Grits.” BUT, don’t eat the pineapple

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