Category Archives: Self Development

I was so afraid to do this

I REALLY was afraid to do this. One of the members of the mastermind group I am in decided to overcome her fear of being on video by doing videos.

This is something I struggle with as well, but I know I needed to get over it…some day.

Well, I decided to encourage her along and take the challenge along with her.

SO, here is my first “real me” video.

We have talked a lot in the group about all our insecurities and taking part in this challenge. In fact, our mentor decided to sponsor a group wide challenge WITH PRIZES to encourage more of us take part. The list is growing!

I just want to encourage you, Mom, to take a bold look at a challenge you need to overcome right now. I tried to find a special formula to follow so that I could share that with you. But the number one thing that came to the top of the list every time was to

Admit you have a challenge to face. Specifically identify the challenge
Write down what can be better if (no WHEN) you overcome this challenge. I like to write these in present tense, as if I have already accomplished it.
Take action. Come up with the things you MUST do, and then start doing them

Yep, that’s it. That was the number one thing that every formula to “how to overcome personal challenges” had listed. And overall, it all boils down to 3 simple steps.

I guess that’s probably the hardest thing for us to do. Admit we have a problem or hurdle. But encourage you to face that “monkey on our back” face to face. Grab it by the scruff of the neck (I’m really an animal lover, but these monkeys on our back have to be dealt with!)

I’ve included a few of my favorite quotes when it comes to facing challenges. I hope you can take away one, and it can help you!

“The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.” ~~Unknown

“Nobody will believe in you unless you believe in yourself.” ~~Liberace

“Don’t say you don’t have enough time. You have exactly the same number of hours per day that were given to Helen Keller, Pasteur, Michaelangelo, Mother Teresa, Leonardo da Vinci, Thomas Jefferson, and Albert Einstein.”~~H. Jackson Brown

“To succeed, you need to find something to hold on to, something to motivate you, something to inspire you.”~~Tony Dorsetty

And one of my favorite, simply because I hear her southern twang in my head as I type this

“The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.”~~ Dolly Parton

Here is to your Re-Feathered Nest Success!

If I was able to help you in any way please join my mailing list and receive your “100 Positive Daily Actions” list.. I promise not to send you endless spam. I will always strive to only send you something that I feel will build you up and help you on your journey. I am currently developing some new products and would love to be able to make you one of the first to hear about them! The newsletter sign up is at the top right of the screen.

Kim Steadman is the COOP (Chief Online Operating Person) for The Re-Feathered Nest. A place of encouragement for moms entering the Empty Nest Zone who find they need to Re-Purpose and Re-design their lives now that the kids have flown the coop. Kim can be found on Twitter at @kimsteadman1 and on Google+ at +Kim.

Mapping your life with purpose

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A map not drawn is a treasure not found

Many empty nest moms come to “the end” of the mom journey with a huge let down. I can remember when our son left for college even though we had our “plans” on what we were going to do, it was still a big emotional hurdle to over come. We had a small family in a small house, so when he wasn’t there it left a huge void.

But, as I mentioned – we had a plan. We had talked about the day and that it was inevitable that it was going to come.

And it did.

At first, I slid right into the plan which was for me to go to work full time to help offset college tuition.

And that was all fine and dandy until college was over!

NOW I faced a new dilemma. Where do I shift my focus now that I don’t have to work like the dickens to make money for “the college tuition fund”?

I found myself really doing some soul searching, and I’m betting you have probably asked yourself the same question….

“What do I DO now that MOM isn’t my number one job?”

I answered that question by doing some reading on finding purpose.

What I ended up with was a list of words that represented “values”. You can see the long list (and this of course are not all the values that could be listed) here.

When you find the values that mean the most to you, it only makes sense to start doing things daily that build on those values! When you start doing that simple step, you start feeling as though you are living with more purpose.

My top 10 Values were Family, Faith, Creativity, Inspiration, Nature, Integrity, Leaving a legacy, Teaching, Solitude and Joy

Once I defined those values I quickly realized the things that I held dear in my heart were missing from my daily life! It really came as a shock at first because in my mind if someone had asked me I would have said “SURE, I live my life every day according to my values”.

Taking stock of my core values made me realize one of the reasons I was probably feeling so stressed and as though my life had no purpose was that for the years while our son was away to college and then establishing his new family (he got married) I had not connected with my core values in a long time. It was as if the busy-ness of life had squeezed out the values I held dear. But, in reality it was because I had not clearly defined my values. In essence, I had what I thought was my map of life, but the map had no directions on it!

You see choosing, defining and knowing your values can put you in touch with your purpose.

When you can live each day knowing you are living with purpose and have defined actions each day that build upon your core values, it can:

Reduce daily stress
Help you make better decisions
Increase your joy, happiness and fulfillment
Help you find people, groups, and environments that support you
Hep your personal growth and development
Provide you with motivation!

Do you know what your core values are? Do you have them listed? Do you make daily evaluations to make sure you are living and acting on your core values?

Perhaps you can be on your journey soon to eliminating some conflict, frustration and lack of fulfillment in your empty nest by working on your core values!

Kim Steadman is the COOP (Chief Online Operating Person) for The Re-Feathered Nest. A portal for moms entering the Empty Nest Zone who finds they need to Re-Purpose and Re-make their lives now that the kids have flown the coop. Kim can be found on Twitter at @kimsteadman1 and on Google+ at +Kim.

Lou Brissie – Baseball and American Hero

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I love to watch the beginning of sporting events and the sports “heroes” give honor to the TRUE American HEROES, our soldiers. But what is even more touching is to see the past American Heroes pay honor to the younger American heroes..

And then I love the stories…. Like Lou Brissie. A baseball player who attended Presbyterian College before enlisting in the U.S. Army in December 1942. In November 1944
, Lou found himself in heavy fighting in Italy with the 88th Infantry Division (Blue Devils). On December 2, 1944, Lou’s unit suffered an artillery barrage, and a shell exploded which shattered his left tibia and shinbone in 30 pieces. He begged and BEGGED the doctors to not amputate his leg.

Following a devastating German artillery attack in December 1944, most of Leland Victor (Lou) Brissie s squad was destroyed and the shrapnel-riddled corporal from Ware Shoals, South Carolina, was left for dead. The unconscious pitching prospect clung to life along the muddy banks of an icy creek in northern Italy s snow-covered Apennines for hours until medical corpsmen discovered him. Doctors at the battalion aid station noted that his left leg was shattered beyond repair and recommended immediate amputation.

No, Brissie protested. You can t take my leg off. I m a ballplayer. I can t play on one leg.

…So, after 2 years and 23 major operations Lou was able to return to baseball with a metal brace on his leg. He was signed by the Philadelphia A’s on December 15, 1946. His comeback began with Savannah in the Southern League where he won 25 games in 1947. The A’s called him up and on September 28, 1947 he realized his “life’s ambition” of pitching in the major leagues.

He did not let the “IF ONLY” and “WHAT IF’s” stop him…….

He is a hero in 3 counts.
War Hero
Baseball Hero
Life Hero
The Corporal Was a Pitcher: The Courage of Lou Brissie

Preserve Your Emotional Energy

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Not a very perky title huh?

Have you ever felt that way though? Have you ever felt tired, in a rut, your mind won’t seem to get into gear. The creative juices just aren’t flowing. You are tired of the same old day. The same old routine. You are everything but the energizer bunny. You are zapped. Your energy is gone.

More than likely, that energy did not instantly disappear. It may have happened over time.

Are you tuned in enough to yourself to feel your energy leaks?

I am reading a book called “Jesus, CEO” by Laurie Beth Jones. She looks at the life of Jesus and his leadership and analyzes his actions as if he was a CEO of a company (quite a different outlook from other Leadership training). One of the chapters is “He Guarded His Energy”.

She explains that Jesus had a lot of energy and he knew how to direct it. He was very clear on his mission, and he knew how to guard and avoid “energy leaks”.

Even though he was a teacher, he refused to be trapped into meaningless debates with people who only wanted to argue rather than learn.
He didn’t beg or manipulate people into following his teaching.
In fact, he trained his disciples to “shake the dust off their feet” when they met people who were resistant to the teachings.

Jesus was so attuned to his physical, emotional and mental energy – that when touched by someone when he was in a crowd – he felt some of his healing energy leave.

So, back to my original question. Are you tuned in enough to yourself to recognize energy leaks in your life?

Negative words from others? Angry words? Distractions? Being a busy-body in other people’s business?

To be a leader requires a great amount of energy. Maybe it’s why so many people to energy boosts such as drugs and alcohol and energy drinks.

From the biblical perspective, many of the leaders and prophets were shepherds. A people that had plenty of time to rest and listen.

A favorite quote from this chapter is “if there is no snow on the mountains, there will be a drought in the valley”.

How do you plan to replenish your energy?

Move Through The Obstacles – MOO

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There are many obstacles that stand in our way of moving forward. And yes, we are faced with them every day. But we have to make a decision.

Do we?

Don’t we?

Moving through obstacles come down to two things.

You are not ready.
You may have reached an obstacle and you just aren’t ready to move forward. Maybe the timing is right and maybe you just don’t “FEEL” it. Maybe you don’t have the knowledge. None the less, you can’t move forward. You don’t know how.

You don’t want to.
That is the hardest thing to really admit to yourself. It isn’t that you can’t. You just don’t want it. Or, you don’t want it bad enough.

Many times in the business sales world they say that if your “WHY” is large enough THEN you will do the necessary action steps.

I am inclined to believe that. When your WHY is truly turns into a big, hairy, and audaciously huge goal – you THEN will take action.

I know I did.

You see, my world rocked a couple of weeks ago. My mom had a stroke. Spending days in the hospital helped me to realize that my husband and I needed to rethink our financial goals. You see, mom has recovered amazingly fast. She isn’t 100% yet and we do have a road to healing to go down. BUT, had things not gone so well, I had not done my due diligence to have things ready.

Things like a firm back up income plan.

We have been given a second chance to get ready for the next stages of our life.

And I am on a mission. My WHY became huge. Compound that with the fact that our first grand child is on the way! This MeeMee in the making is going to need extra vacation days for some grand-baby spoiling!

I am on my journey to remove obstacles. I am going to have to learn some new things.

But the only way to move over obstacles(MOO) is to DO IT.

Fear is not an option.

I must be diligent & determined.

MOO.

Move over the obstacles – MOO

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We face obstacles every day. Every single day. If anyone tells you they don’t, they lie! Even a red light is an obstacle. It’s beyond your control. But, none the less it is an obstacle. It is slowing down your progress of moving forward. It qualifies as an obstacle.

The dictionary defines an obstacle as “A thing that blocks one’s way or prevents or hinders progress.” A hindrance. Impediment. Barrier. Hurdle. Obstruction.

Some obstructions you have no choice. You have to wait on them, such as the traffic light.

But those obstructions for which you do have a choice, you have two choices.

You can either MOVE over the obstruction so that you can move OVER the obstruction. (Yes, it’s a little play on words, but stick with me). You either do or you don’t.

Moving over the obstruction would entail removing yourself from what is obstructing your forward motion. Maybe it is a friendship with someone that is draining all your emotional and physical energy. Maybe it is a dead end job that is zapping you of all your emotional health and joy. Maybe it is learning a new skill.

The point is it can be any number of things that is keeping you from reaching a goal and making changes. You know what you want. You know what you need. You can see it. But in front of the goal are “things” in the way that are keeping you from reaching the goal. Those nasty obstructions and hurdles.

Once you acknowledge the obstructions you can then work on moving them, so that you can move forward.

But, maybe you say “I Can’t”. WHOA! You can’t say CAN’T. Can’t only means two things. Either you don’t know how, or you don’t want to.

If you don’t know how, you learn. You read. You talk to someone. You research. You ask. Then you do.

But here is where your second choice comes in. If you don’t want to, then admit it. Quit hiding behind the “I can’t”.

Let’s make a decision today. If you have an obstruction standing in your way. MOO. Move Over the Obstruction (MOO). Either pick yourself up and MOVE over the obstruction so that you can move OVER the obstruction. Or just admit that you don’t want to and you are willing to sit still.

I hope you choose to MOO.

Just don’t run any red traffic lights along the way =)

Tomorrow we will talk more about how to MOO.

MOO!

Attitude is a choice

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I listened to a great radio broadcast by Troy Dooly about Attitude.

He said something that really impressed me today. “Your attitude is a reflection of what is in your heart”.

Wow.

That really hit home to me this morning because I didn’t really wake up this morning on “the right side of the bed”.

I know I work hard every day to express gratitude to others and to have a grateful heart. Obviously, on the mornings that I wake up a little grumbly, I need to find myself looking more quickly outside the window and not so much in the mirror!

That’s how I look at gratitude and attitude. When I find myself looking more at “ME”, I like to think of it as though I am looking at life through a mirror. I see myself first. Cultivating the attitude of gratitude trains me to look at life through a window. I look at others first, and only see a faint reflection of myself.

But, I know that it is a daily exercise that I must concentrate on. It doesn’t come naturally (yet) and often times it seems like other things try to get in the way.

You see, I speak from experience. Life as a busy woman can easily find me concentrating on other things. Life can be overwhelming.

The to do list is to long, the errands too numerous, the piles of clothes to be washed has doubled, the house needs to be cleaned, appointments need to be made and kept meetings need to be held…the list goes on and on.

And I find that overwhelm is one of the things that can contribute to my sour attitude.

One of the exercises I do is creating my daily to do list. I then list 5 things that I want, MUST get done before 11am. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter how many things didn’t get done. If I can look at my list of 5 and know that those are crossed off, I have a very good feeling of success. And all before Noon!

This was an exercise that I learned from a self development book I purchased early in the year, the book “The 7 Minute Solution: Creating a Life with Meaning in 7 Minutes a Day”. If there has every been a time management, life purpose book that I read from cover to cover and then said “I’m ready to read it again” it is THIS BOOK. It is all about attitude, purpose, planning your day, and so much more. It is all about doing things that matter and not just because it ended up on your to-do list.

Let’s make that to-do list a list that matters and let’s fill our heart with goodness and good attitude!

Onward and Upward!

Kim

A Little Positive Reinforcement

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A recent bout with a sore throat found me needing some fresh cough drops. Instead of the generic brand, I reached for a good, old standard “Halls”. Much to my surprise, when I unwrapped the menthol goodness, I found a surprise.

Part of the marketing tactic is to include some positive sayings on the wrapper. Consider that most people, when taking a cough drop, is taking that drop due to a sickness. I thought this was a very nice thing for Halls to do. We all need a little more positive reinforcement especially when going through a tough time!

I actually took my wrapper and folded it in half to use as a book marker for the day.

It is so important to fill your life with positive words!

And positive actions.

The cough drop wrapper reminded me of some recent reading explaining accomplishing our goals and performing our daily actions. I don’t remember all the scientific lingo but it goes like this:

Our brain is pliable and the neurons are ever changing. If we want to accomplish something new or get over an mental obstacle or hurdle, we have to make pathways in our brain. At first, pushing those positive words and those positive actions through our brain is like moving through a huge field of grass that his shoulder high. It will be a tough job. But, keep walking that same exact path every day and the pathway will beat down. (In the country, we call those cow paths or coyote paths).

So, as the last 90 days of the year quickly approach it may be time to find some positive words and push through the grass. There are new pathways to create!

Are you ready to Stand By Me

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I am inspired every time I hear this song. I love this version by the “Playing for a Change” project.

At some point in your life, no matter who you are, no matter where you are. There will come a day that you need someone to stand by you.

The flip side is that at some point in your life, no matter who you are and no matter where you are, YOU will need to stand by someone. The challenge to us, is that sometimes, we don’t know the when it happens. You see folks. You never know what your encouraging words or smile may do for someone. You don’t know if they are at their lowest point in their life, and need someone to stand by them.

I encourage you this week to reach out to 3 people a day on Facebook and offer them an encouraging word. You never know if it may be the words, YOUR words, that help them during a rough day.

It is time to create a life for yourself of Deliberate and Intentional Direction. By encouraging others, you move yourself in an upward direction!

Remove the boundaries

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Some intelligent adults behave like a circus elephant. I should know. I’ve done it.

Have you ever visited a circus and seen the elephants tied to a small stake with a simple rope? Why don’t the elephants break free?

The story goes that while they are young, they were tied to a stake with a heavy chain. No matter how hard he tries, that young elephant cannot break free. So after several unsuccessful tries through the months he stops trying. No matter how large and strong he becomes, he remembers the past and believes he cannot move as long as their is a rope and a stake near him.

So, many adults are like the elephant. Hindered by thoughts, actions and results.

They do not move further in their life because of the boundaries of self-imposed limits.

How do you remove the boundaries?

The first step is admitting to any attitudes and thoughts that you know are limiting you.

What is a result from your past that was painful or failed and you have vowed never to repeat, but you know that by not repeating you are limiting yourself and your life.

Isn’t it time to move past the boundary and let your life move forward?

I know you can do it. Let’s develop a winning attitude!